Christian counsel to a person who had much doubt and disquiet in her heart over marrying.
The Fourth Letter.
Christian counsel to a person who had much doubt and disquiet in her heart over marrying.
Dearly beloved friend and sister in Christ!
You have desired me to write you something concerning the matter you know of. Now, I must confess that I do not very gladly speak or write of such things; but since it has been laid upon me, and since I would not gladly see you remain any longer in disquiets and deliberations — which can bring the soul nothing but harm and hindrance — I will open my thoughts on it briefly, and in simplicity, as far as God allows.
Generally speaking, it is unquestionably the truth that Paul says (1 Cor. 7:1): that it is good for a Christian to touch neither woman nor man, and therefore good for a single person to remain so (vv. 8 and 26); yes, that whoever so remains does better and is more blessed, as it expressly stands (vv. 38 and 40). Only, not all attain this word (Matt. 19:11 and 12). And besides, whoever marries does not sin, as the same Apostle says again (v. 28). Indeed, it may well be so with a soul — through God's leading, or for inward and outward reasons and circumstances — that the word can truly be said of her: "It is not good that the man should be alone" (Gen. 2:18). In short, the single state does not, of itself, make us pleasing in God's eyes; but whoever stays single to this end — that he may cleave to God all the more unhindered, and be holy both in body and in spirit — pleases God (see Isa. 56:4–5; Wisdom 3:13–14; ch. 4:12). Whoever marries does not, in itself, sin. But whoever marries and withdraws his innermost love, delight, comfort, and joy from God, and brings them — be it little or much — into the creature, sins, and will suffer harm.
So it depends, first, that in this matter you give your will over to God thoroughly, and leave the choice to Him alone, and accordingly ask Him — impartially and often, and have Him asked by others too — to direct and lead you herein according to His good pleasure, that you may please Him in all things; and then, further, that with a still mind, in God's presence, you weigh and examine what may be best and most useful for you, in soul and body. And after you have done this once and again, then in the name of God, and with the single aim of pleasing Him, make a decision, by yourself alone, as to what you will do or leave undone — since it has disquieted your mind long enough. If it then seems to you that it is not pleasing to God, nor serviceable or useful to you, then plainly and roundly refuse the brother in question, and put it wholly out of mind. If, on the contrary, it seems to you pleasing to God, and serviceable or needful to you in soul and body, then keep still, and lay it first — and the sooner the better — before your parents, and hear what they say to it; for if they would by no means consent to it, then, by divine and human laws, you have no freedom for it so long as that stands. Oh, how lovely it would be if you could await all this with a calm, recollected heart, and in yieldedness, after the example of Isaac (Gen. 24:62–63). God give grace to it!
As for us, to whom you have had it made known — we cannot tell you God's will here absolutely; but otherwise, we find nothing particular against it in our minds either. But that you disquiet, drag, and distress yourself inwardly so much — as it seems to me I already see from afar — that is not at all good. Only give your will thoroughly to the Lord in this, and He will surely make all things well.
Yet the most important thing, on which it most depends, and which also requires the most effort and grace, is still to come: namely, that, should you enter into it, you must above all take care that the first and greatest commandment of God remain uninjured — "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind." The ground of your heart shall be a temple and a dwelling of God. Beware of letting any idols or images into the innermost place; which happens when one falls, with one's love-inclination and cleaving, inordinately and too strongly upon a creature. "To have, as not having" is the short but hard rule of the Apostle Paul (1 Cor. 7:39).* Now, let it go as it may; only hold this ground unshaken and firm, by God's help: that your heart and innermost love must belong — wholly, undivided, and eternally — to God alone, and remain dedicated to Him. Hold Him, with me, for the one treasure, comfort, stay, and blessedness of your soul; and you will have peace and blessing, wherever and in whatever state you are, always and forever. Yes — Amen!
German
Der vierte Brief.
Christlicher Rath an eine Person, die wegen des Heirathens viel Zweifel und Unruhe in ihrem Gemüth hatte.
Vielgeliebte Freundin und Schwester in Christo!
Du hast begehret, dir deines bewußten Anliegens wegen etwas zu schreiben. Nun muß ich zwar bekennen, daß ich nicht gar zu gerne von dergleichen Sachen rede oder schreibe: weil es mir aber aufgetragen worden, und ich auch nicht gerne sähe, daß du länger in Beunruhigungen und Ueberlegungen bliebest …
— Opening lines of the original German. The complete transcription of all 605 letters appears in the forthcoming Encounter Press critical edition; Brief 1 is shown in full as a sample.
German text: public domain (1773–75 first edition / 1845 Gesammelte Schriften).
Translator’s notes
What this letter is. A remarkably practical, level-headed letter of counsel to a young woman tormented with doubt over whether to marry. Tersteegen admits he does not much like writing about "such things," but since she has asked, and is clearly wearing herself out with worry, he answers plainly — and his counsel is balanced, not anti-marriage. Staying single, he grants, is in some ways the freer path for cleaving to God; but marrying "does not sin," and it may even be God's will for her. What matters is not the choice itself but how she makes it and what she guards. So he gives her a clear, humane process: give the whole matter over to God and ask his guidance, then weigh it calmly in his presence, then decide freely, "by yourself alone" — since the deliberating has "disquieted your mind long enough" — and, if she leans yes, lay it before her parents and heed them. But the heart of the letter is his one non-negotiable: whatever she decides, "the first and greatest commandment" must stay "uninjured." Her innermost love belongs "wholly, undivided, and eternally to God alone," and no creature — not even a spouse — may become an idol in "the innermost place."
A few words and echoes.
- A balanced counsel. He weighs Paul's preference for the single life against the plain goodness of marriage, refusing to make a rule of either. The single state does not "of itself" please God; marriage does not "in itself" sin. What counts is the heart.
- Decide freely, then honour your parents. His practical steps: surrender the choice to God, weigh it quietly, make it yourself — and, if yes, bring it to her parents, without whose consent "you have no freedom for it."
- After the example of Isaac. He wishes she could await the outcome as calmly as Isaac, whom Genesis pictures going out "to meditate in the field" at eventide — a heart at rest in God's timing.
- No idols in the innermost place. His firm line: the ground of the heart is "a temple and dwelling of God"; to let love fall "too strongly upon a creature" is to smuggle an idol into that inner sanctuary.
- To have, as not having. His closing rule, borrowed from Paul: to hold even the dearest earthly good with an open hand, so that God alone remains "the one treasure… of your soul."
trans. Jarred Fenlason · gerhardtersteegen.com/letters/bdi-thi-004 · all rights reservedEnglish translation © Jarred Fenlason · All rights reserved · gerhardtersteegen.com.